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RIP ERIC
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I will be flying out to sonoma county tomorrow.
i will be there for two weeks.
I am attending his funeral on tuesday.


"squeak you will be missed"
Current Mood:
depressed depressed
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he loves water its so weird.. he just loves playing in the sink and bathtub
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happy birthday kevin michael peterson!

i hope your birthday is filled w/ smiles and fat kids
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ATMOSPHERE CONCERT TONIGHT
and thats all id like to say
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ive come to terms where my life is going and where i want it to go.
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i hate people who never appreciates what they have. that are extremely needy, and take and take and take w/ out even thinking to say thank you over half the time. it drains me and drains me but i love them so i keep giving and giving whatever i can give. but when someone never returns the favor unless they KNOW theyre getting something in return, NEVER! i get fed up and ready to wash my hands of them, but i dont have the heart to do it because i still love that person to death. but lately i am just tired and worn out but this person doesnt notice that or if they do they dont show they care because they care more about themselves and all the help THEY need and all theyre fuckin problems. IM SORRY YOU ARE NOT EVERYONES WORLD THAT THEY REVOLVE AROUND! and since i have been giving and giving they now just expect for it too keep coming even though i am emptied out, just crumbs left at the bottom of the bag. and i cant deal w/ everything at once.
sdfsaldkfjsldfj i need to stop typing about that...




i am so sick feeling right now from stress and just plain old SICK as fuck.
i think i need to go to the doctors.
Current Mood:
crushed crushed
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have you ever felt so empty, alone, and lost ?
i want to pour out tears to fill up empty oceans.
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im getting a bottom row grill.
end of story.
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this song is one of the best songs ever to be made. i know its super long but you all should read it 



Artist: Immortal Technique
Album: Revolutionary Vol. 1
Title: Dance With the Devil

[Verse 1]
I once knew a nigga whose real name was William
his primary concern, was making a million
being the illest hustler, that the world ever seen
he used to fuck moviestars and sniff coke in his dreams
a corrupted young mind, at the age of thirteen
nigga never had a father and his mom was a feen
she put the pipe down, but forever yeah she was sober
her sons heart simultaneously grew colder
he started hanging out selling bags in the projects
checking the young chicks, looking for hit and run prospects
he was fascinated by material objects
but he understood money never bought respect
he build a reputation cuz he could hustle and steal
but got locked once it didn't hessitate to squeal
so criminals he chilled with didn't think he was real
you see me and niggaz like this have never been equal
I dont project my insurecurity's at other people
he feeded for props like addicts with pipes and needles
so he felt he had to prove to everyone he was evil
a fever minded young men with infinite potetial
the product of a ghetto ... capatalistic mental
coincidentally dropped out of school to sell weed
dancing with the devil, smoked until his eyes would bleed
but he was sick of selling trees and gave in to his greed
[Hook]
Everyone trying to be trife never face the consequences
you propably only did a month for minor offences
ask a nigga doing life if he had another chance
but then again there's always the wicked at new and advanced
dance forever with the devil on a code cell block
but thats what happens when you rape, murder and sell rock
devils used to be gods, angels that fell from the top
there's no diversity because we're burning in the melting pot
[Verse 2]
So Billy started robbing niggaz, anything he could do
he'd get his respect back, in the eyes of his crew
starting fights over little shit, up on the block
stepped up to selling mothers and brothers the crack rock
working overtime for making money for the crack spot
hit the jackpot and wanted to move up to cocaine
for filling the scarface fantasy stuck in his brain
tired of the block niggaz treating him the same
he wanted to be major like the cut throats and the thugs
but when he tried to step to 'em, niggaz showed him no love
they told him any motherfucking coward can sell drugs
any bitch nigga with a gun, can bust slugs
any nigga with a red shirt can front like a blood
even Puffy smoked the motherfucker up in a club
but only a real thug can stab someone till they die
standing in front of them, starring straight into their eyes
Billy realized that these men were well guarded
and they wanted to test him, before business started
suggested raping a bitch to proof he was cold hearted
so now he had a choice between going back to his life
or making money with made men, up in the cife
his dreams about cars and ice, made him agree
a hardcore nigga is all he ever wanted to be
and so he met them friday night at a quarter to three
[Hook]
[Verse 3]
They drove around the projects slow while it was raining
smoking blunts, drinking and joking for entertainment
untill they saw a woman on the street walking alone
three in the morning, coming back from work, on her way home
and so they quietly got out the car and followed her

walking through the projects, the darkness swallowed her
they wrapped her shirt around her head and knocked her onto the floor
this is it kid now you got your chance to be raw
so Billy oaked her up and grapped the chick by the hair
and dragged her into a lobby that had nobody there
she struggled hard but they forced her to go up the stairs
they got to the roof and then held her down on the ground
screaming shut the fuck up and stop moving around
the shirt covered her face, but she screamed the clouts
so Billy stomped on the bitch, until he broken her jaw
the dirty bastards knew exactly what they were doing
they kicked her until they cracked her ribs and she stopped moving
blood leaking through the corpse, she cried silently
and then they all proceeded to rape her violently
Billy was meant to go first, but he ????? turn
ripping her up, and choking her until her throat burned
a broken jaw mumbled for god but they weren't concerned
when they were done and she was lying bloody, broken and broos
one of them niggaz pulled out a brand new twenty-two
they told him that she was a witness of what she'd gone through
and if he killed her he was guaranteed a spot in the crew
he thought about it for a minute, she was practicly dead
and so he leaned over and put the gun right to her head
(Sample from "Survival of the Fittest" by Mobb Deep)
I'm falling and I can't turn back
I'm falling and I can't turn back
[Verse 4]
Right before he pulled the trigger, and ended her life
he thought about the cold pain with the platinum and ice
and he felt strong standing along with his new brothers
cocked the gat to her head, and pulled back the shirt cover
but what he saw made him start the cringine studder
cuz he was starring into the eyes of his own mother
she looked back at him and cried, cuz he had forsaken her
she cried more painfully, than when they were raping her
his whole world stopped, he couldn't even contiplate
his corruption had succesfully changed his fate
and he remembered how his mom used to come home late
working hard for nothing, cuz now what was he worth
he turned away from the woman that had once given him birth
and crying out to the sky cuz he was lonely and scared
but only the devil responded, cuz god wasn't there
and right then he knew what it was to be empty and cold
and so he jumped off the roof and died with no soul
they say death take you to a better place but I doubt it
after that they killed his mother, and never spoke about it
and listen cuz the story that I'm telling is true
cuz I was there with Billy Jacobs and I raped his mom to
and now the devil follows me everywhere that I go
infact I'm sure he's standing among one of you at my shows
and every street cypher listening to little thugs flowe
he could be standing right next to you, and you wouldn't know
the devil grows inside the hearts of the selvish and wicked
white, brown, yellow and black colored is not restricted
you have a self destructive destiny when your inflicted
and you'll be one of gods children and fell from the top
there's no diversity because we're burning in the melting pot
so when the devil wants to dance with you, you better say never
because the dance with the devil might last you forever
Current Mood:
drained drained
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what a day...
of nothing...
i sat on the couch...
all day...
how lazy...

but I have an interview tomorrow...
I will most likely get the job...
thank god I wont get pee tested...
cuz it was just 4/20...

hahaha
so to end this ...
xBlueChairx: have dreams of pirates, ass sex, and our baby

hahah. love to random convos that noone else would understand.

Current Mood:
lazy lazy
Current Music:
the angry court lady on tv
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i want to scream so loud that my uvela flys out of my mouth.
i want to cry so much that my house floods and floats down the road.
i want to fall down so hard the ground shakes in italy.

i am so sick of life.
i am so sick of everything.
why does everything have to be impossible?

* * *
my moms back home outta jail.
surprisingly we are getting along super well.
and shes actually accepting my wishes to wait until i go out tonight.
to smoke her shit.
it was super sunny today and i think i tanned up a bit.
wow.
its been actually a super good day.
sweet.
and there is still all of friday night left.
* * *
Five people scattered around.
The room was so quiet.
Johnny Cash plays on the stereo.
As we all watch an infomercial on mute.
Noone makes a sound not even a sigh.
Wide eyes starring.
Its 7 in the morning.
Not one of us w/ any shut eye.
Current Mood:
listless listless
* * *
I move in on Saturday.
I am relieved.
..
well I will SEE you all at the end of February.
..
* * *
well i have to say i hate all my classes twice as much as last semester.
and realize im actually gone miss the ones I never went to last semester.

bummer.

Current Mood:
disappointed disappointed
Current Music:
bloc party
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well.
I have an ulser.
that sucks
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I bought a pair of pants today.
they were a size 7.
that is just wild.
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well shit nigger damn

long time no post

there isnt much to say.

I dont eat

I dont sleep

I dont care

I dont call

I dont talk

I dont try

I dont succeed

I dont smile

I dont mind

I dont think

* * *
so I just got over my suspension..
i went back on wednesday..
didnt go to school thursday.
might go today.. or tomorrow since I have not gone to bed yet
..

oh and the flight of the cali visit has changed.. im coming in early january.

* * *
i got suspended today.
10 days.
what the fuck?
aviators.
they will turn on you.
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